Paperboy in AD

A month of pish

2011-02-21T07:46:00.000-08:00

Maybe blogs are like relationships. You get a bit bored of them after a few months. I have thought about writing a new post for ages but couldn't really be bothered. Even as I write this, part of me is thinking I am not going to hit "Publish Post".

I spoke to my mate about this in December. He still hasn't posted a new entry since that chat. It is a pity because I like his observations on life. He said he can't think of anything interesting to write about. I am not sure I have ever written anything interesting on this blog. The blog was force of habit when it started. Since that chat I have pondered whether an entry needs to be stimulating or interesting. I have concluded we are aiming for different things. I just wanted mine to be more of a record of our time in AD, even if it didn't always focus on what we have been up to in AD.

But on that score... we bought a car a couple of weeks back, a Land Rover Discovery. I am fairly sure I have ridiculed people for driving 4x4s around London before so I should feel ashamed. In my defence they drive like lunatics over here, so having my wife and young son in a car that it would take a tank to destroy (or me, read on...) makes us all feel that wee bit safer.

I ran out of petrol last week and it has been in the garage ever since. You feel like a twat when you run out of petrol. Especially when you have your boss and two other colleagues from London in the car. It caused a dead battery and escalated an oil leak problem we were aware of. All in the bill will come to about £2,500. the car only cost about £6,000.

What else has happened? I have lost my glasses. They were fairly expensive. My ipod seems to have self-destructed and is asking to be returned to factory settings. I bought an ipad but that required new software for the mac at home. Rangers got beat by the mhanks. Twice. Plus it looks like things will get a whole worse when we fail to win the league and therefore have no CL money. Sky have a lot to answer for but I honestly believe that the CL has destroyed football.

Feedback

2010-12-06T08:11:00.000-08:00

I managed to get back to Blighty for a couple of days last week. Ostensibly for a department meeting though I was more looking forward to the trip as an opportunity to catch up with a couple of mates.

Upon arriving in the office on the first day I was invited to an industry lunch at the Grosvenor Hotel. The lunch was an excuse for everyone to get fairly merry and to write the rest of the day off. It was brilliant and reminded me of incredibly long boozy lunch breaks at the BBC - I had my first two appraisals in the pub at the BBC.

The next day was spent in a conference room on the top floor talking shop and learning of developments in other parts of the business during which my boss told me I could buy an ipad and put it on expenses. (My paranoia leads me to believe this means I won't be getting a decent salary review come the New Year). This despite the fact the company is running a promotion for all staff to buy one and claim £300 back as a bonus / expense type thing. I think they want us all to appear media savvy. We have an 85 year old journalist who wanders about the office in his slippers. He is a whiz when it comes to economics but struggles with his access pass so I am not sure an ipad is for him.

I really enjoyed going for a few beers with mates and it was reassuring to discover that Andy still moans about most things and Abe still needs to piss every ten minutes. It was as comforting as a warm glove. If things had changed dramatically then it would have felt I had been missing out.

Both commented on the blog. I was under the impression I could just write about whatever I had in my head whilst my missus was at yoga (which is when I write this drivel). It turns out I am supposed to be writing about what it is like to live and work out here, or at the very least, how the family is doing.

1. It is hot.

2. It is fairly quiet in the office and just by sending an email to someone doesn't mean something is going to get done.

3. Family are grand.

Salary expectations

2010-11-24T07:39:00.001-08:00

I have discovered that my predecessor was getting paid more than me for doing what is essentially the same job. Not much more it has to be said but that doesn't matter. The fact is, it is more than I am currently getting and I don't like it. My boss knows that I know but hasn't mentioned it.

I have always assumed that putting in the extra hours and producing results would be noticed and suitably rewarded without having to bang the drum. Bringing up pay with a boss is therefore something I have avoided. I also think it must be a fairly awkward conversation:

Me: Can I get a pay rise? I think I deserve one.

Boss: I don't agree.

Me: Right, fair enough.

In fairness I have always seemed to be rewarded for my efforts and sometimes not for my efforts - a fat(ish) redundancy cheque from my last employer helped a lot. The past couple of years have not been brilliant but the two years before it were and there aren't many people that have done amazingly well during this time anyway (apart from one mate who has doubled his salary but probably deserved it).

If I wasn't aware of my predecessor getting more then I wouldn't be bothered. But I am aware of what he got, if anything I think I have more on my plate to deal with and I don't believe I am doing a worse job. So should I raise the matter or just sit it out and quietly stew? There is usually a salary review at the end of the year so will probably wait for outcome of that. I should probably just be thankful that I have a job at all and stop being a dick.

Haircut heaven for a Chuckle brother

2010-11-22T08:24:00.000-08:00

I visited The Lounge a couple of weeks back for a haircut. Blokes are not allowed into normal salons over here as they are strictly Women only. Naturally upon learning this my mind pictured an oasis of "fun" times. No doubt it is a lot less interesting and simply means the women are able to remove their niqab.

I knew things were starting to go wrong when Ali, the Syrian chap doing my hair, had to call someone over to translate "just a bit shorter all over." I then motioned that I didn't want it cut into a parting, just to leave it a bit messy on top ("textured" you might say if you were a hairdresser).

Ali got to work. Bizarrely he spent about 2 minutes on the top of the head and about 40 minutes cutting the back and sides. He washed my hair, dried it and then brought out straighteners. I have never used straighteners although I know a few blokes that use them every day. Blokes such as these used to be called "noofters". Nowadays I just categorise them as folk that take themselves too seriously.

I didn't want to interrupt Ali at his work. I had trusted him so far to cut my hair - I figured I should let him finish the job as he saw fit. Who knows, maybe these noofters were on to something after all? Trust me, they are not.

I won't be going back to The Lounge (obviously) but I am happy to say that I haven't laughed at myself as much as I did when my wife saw it for the first time and nearly crashed the car.

To splurge or not to splurge...

2010-11-10T07:46:00.000-08:00

Me and the missus have been together for ten years come March. Excluding our honeymoon I would say we have had one decent holiday in that time - California last September. We have had amazing long weekends away but generally pretty pish holidays. It isn't even as if we have had lots of holidays but just not amazing ones. Two or three trips to a friends' villa in Spain, Fuerteventura (technically Spain again, I know) and erm, that's it!

I moan about this quite a lot. I don't know why we have failed so spectacularly to organise one great week away each year. It wouldn't take much time and effort to think of somewhere to go and if it is only for a week then it shouldn't cost too much either. We are now well into our thirties and have an infant so holidays will become even more of a luxury and most likely targeted more at suiting our offspring - Centreparks here we come, yah!! Feels as if the cracking holiday ship has left the port. I am pretty gutted about it.

I reckon the main reason we have not sank cocktails in Havana, pissed about in South America for a couple of months or gorged on shellfish in the South of France is to do with our fear of going into debt or wiping out our savings for the sake of a holiday. We have both pretty much always been debt free. When we had saved enough we bought a flat, when we had saved a little more we bought a small house. I sometimes envy my friends who perhaps don't own their flat but at least go on amazing holidays.

We are still driving the rented Toyota Corolla we got when we arrived here 5 months ago. It is completely unremarkable. We have enough money saved up to get a fairly decent second hand motor. I quite fancy a 4x4 type thing, the missus quite fancies a truck (no, seriously) but should we just chuck all our savings into something which might break down or be written off by one of the lunatic drivers over here? Do we really need a better car than the Corolla? No. Would life be a bit more enjoyable with a better car? Possibly. Am I just a bit bored over here and want to spend money for the sake of it. Aye.

WTF?

2010-10-31T04:23:00.000-07:00

I have a cold.

I live in the freaking desert and I have a cold.

I know there is science behind picking up a cold that basically points to the fact, just because you live in a warm climate doesn't mean you won't pick up a cold. But for fecks sake. Really.

Guests

2010-10-24T10:31:00.000-07:00

We have now been out in AD for 4 months and have just bade farewell to our first guests. My parents stayed with us for ten days. In some respects it flew in and in other respects it seemed like they were here for ages.

Fair to say, we had gotten used to seeing my folks for a maximum of 3 nights at a time when we lived in London. The perfect length of time. Time to catch up and enjoy your guest's company without the conversation ever going stale or noticing your own (or your guest's) particular foibles raising their ugly head.

I love my parents and they are tremendous with the little one but maybe ten days living on top of each other isn't the best way forward. It isn't their fault. Living with anyone for that period of time who isn't your significant other will derail you. The particular challenge of having (my?) parents to visit is their insistence on not being fussed over.

"Imagine we are not here."

"Don't worry about doing anything special - we are just here to see you guys."

Plus the fact my Dad point blank refused for me to pick up any of the bills when eating out. I don't usually have this problem with him but he seemed to be particularly obdurate on this trip. Bugs the hell out of me. My Dad has this way of getting his point across; it can be a tone of voice, a gesture or a look - sometimes all three at the same time - but translates as "this is not up for discussion and by even challenging me, you have annoyed me and disrespected me." Ocassionally my old man can be a difficult man. Despite all this I know his heart is in the right place.

Mum just can't sit still and wants to help too much. To the extent that my wife feels like a stranger in her own kitchen. She struggles to even get in the room sometimes because my Mum is like an octopus doing everything. I have tried to explain that we don't come to their house and start doing all the cleaning so why do they do it to us.

My father in law has a saying that families are like fish, "they go off after a few days". I always smile when I remember it. Brilliant then, that my wife's parents are visiting for two weeks next month.

Golf

2010-10-10T10:09:00.000-07:00

Is there a sport that divides opinion quite as much as golf?

From participation through to viewing, people are generally well encamped in a love it or loath it position. Even for those that play the game, two camps appear - those that like the exclusiveness or quirkiness of the golf club and those that think they are frequented by tossers and generally foster an atmosphere they would rather avoid. I am part of the second camp on this point but is this because I have never been able to afford membership at any club where I would actually like to be a member?

I only started playing the game when I was 11 or 12. Since then I reckon I have only ever played a maximum of ten times a year, though often only once or twice a year. Partly this is to do with my parents not pushing me into the game and partly because I didn't have close mates that played the game. Looking back I wish I had played it more then and was better at the game now.

I won a wee tournament amongst friends last year and unsuccessfully defended it last month. 2 birdies (at par 5's) in the opening the 3 holes caused the adrenalin to pump a little too freely and I promptly played gash for the rest of the round until I had no hope of retaining the trophy. It didn't matter much as the weekend is basically an excuse for a piss up for aging men who should know better.

No doubt I'll continue to hack my way round a few more holes before my number is called. I'll enjoy every stroke (phnarr). I am not too fussed about becoming a member. I would rather play half a dozen times a year with mates than every week with a plonker.

And just one point on the Ryder Cup. Does anyone else think that over 80% of the players would be classed as geeks in normal walks of life. Fist pumping seems to be de rigueur but they all seem incapable of pulling it off (phnarr phnarr) with any authority. Seems a bit too orchestrated. Did Monty give them tips beforehand? That bloke makes walking look a bit tricky.

My Gran

2010-08-30T07:42:00.000-07:00

My Gran was widowed fairly young in life. Or what I should say is, my Gran has been a widow for a long time - twenty years and counting. She is an octogenarian now and has been for a while. I guess that is another way of saying I don't know her age. I think she'll be 85 this year but am not sure. It is probably fairly common to not know the age of your Grandparents - I doubt my Gran would mind much anyway - but is that a sad indictment on me that I don't take enough of an interest?

My Gran has cancer. She has had it for a while. It manifests itself on her face and has been removed in a fairly simple procedure a number of times over recent years. It hadn't been causing her any physical pain but it bothered her having to go to hospitals and for her face to be scarred each time. About a month ago she went to the doctor to complain about an irritable eye - dry, gritty, itchy. The ran tests and discovered it is the same as before but rather than being on her forehead or cheek it is now on her eyelid. It was awful for her waiting for the results of the tests. She was adamant she didn't want an operation.

The doctor has confessed that it is very rare for cancer to develop in this particular area and whilst he has successfully operated a few times in the past, he does not feel comfortable tackling it this time. Partly this is because he believes she would receive better treatment in Newcastle or Glasgow. In these bigger hospitals they have equipment where they can cut out parts of the eyelid and test for cancer on each cutting whilst the patient is on the table, so to speak. Once they are sure they have it all, they find a bit of skin from elsewhere and create a new eyelid. It sounds horrendous but as with most things medical, is probably completed without fuss.

She is now waiting for an appointment at the bigger hospital. We thought that would be her next visit to a hospital. She decided to clean the kitchen cupboards yesterday. Probably to take her mind off matters. She must be like me. Whenever I am anxious, frustrated or angry I tidy and clean. I digress. She fell off a stool she was using to get to the top cupboard and broke her wrist in three places. She now needs round the clock care whilst the wrist heals.

Josh Billings: In youth we run into difficulties; in old age difficulties run into us.

Ain't that the freaking truth Mr Billings.

I used to call my Gran sporadically. Sometimes twice a month. Sometimes once every two months. I am going to make sure I call more often nowadays. If only to remind her not to go cleaning any kitchen cupboards.

Loneliness

2010-08-23T09:39:00.000-07:00

From Wikipedia: "Loneliness is not the same as being alone. Many people have times when they are alone through circumstances or choice. Being alone can be experienced as positive, pleasurable, and emotionally refreshing if it is under the individual's control."

My wife and son have returned to the UK to visit friends and family. As I don't have an enormous holiday allocation left to take this year, I will only join them later in September. This means I am alone through circumstance. Right now it doesn't feel terribly positive or pleasurable.

"It would do the world good if every man would compel himself occasionally to be absolutely alone. Most of the world's progress has come from such loneliness." (Bruce Barton, American Congressman, 1886 - 1967).

Well, we'll see what progress the world makes in the next two and half weeks but I doubt I'll achieve much tonight. I'm watching the Liverpool v Manchester City game.

A place of worship in Lower Manhattan

2010-08-19T23:33:00.000-07:00

I love America. Not as much as Americans themselves - that would be impossible - but I am made to feel welcome when I am there and always look forward to going back. It is underrated in some respects, particularly the beauty of the changing landscape as you move from East to West, from North to South (let alone the uniqueness of Alaska and Hawaii in comparison to the other 48 States), yet fairly frequently attracts negative attention, it seems to me, purely because of its wealth and importance to the global economy.

It took far too long for American society to move from the "salad bowl" to the "melting pot" it undoubtedly now is. Maintaining segregation up to the early 1960s in some States was appalling but they got there in the end. It is a well educated country. A 2004 OECD study recorded that USA per student spend at number three of the leading 20 Western nations. So what the heck is this stink about the building of a place of worship in Lower Manhattan?

The fact that the complete numpties who decimated this part of New York in 2001 happened to be Muslim does not mean that all Muslims are bad people. Nor does it mean that the Muslim population of New York forfeit the right to worship in this part of New York. It matters not one bit that these pillicks even worshipped Islam. They were just idiots. Pricks. The lot of them.

New York is an amazing place. It is welcoming (generally), liberal and an enormously fun place to be. To be a New Yorker is to be all of these things.

I don't want to belittle the feelings of the two thirds of Americans who are now opposed to the construction of this building. Of course it is a uniquely sensitive issue for some but please stand up Americans and grasp this opportunity. Interfaith tolerance isn't something we can reject, take tentative steps towards or be choosey about. This is a chance for reconciliation between Islam and the west. An opportunity to give the two finger salute to these pricks who seek only to divide and harm. They are scum, we are not.

Facebook

2010-08-07T01:05:00.000-07:00

I joined Facebook about 4 years ago. I left Facebook about 3 years and 10 months ago. I haven't really thought too much about the site since my departure but my wife is a member and allowed me to see some pictures from a friend's page this week. I had a nose around on her page, reviewing other photo albums and generally just having a wee swatch at who was using it. The results were kinda surprising.

First, an explanation for why I left in the first place. I didn't like it. I didn't like the "liking this film says this about you" games. I didn't like the constant updating like "Suzie is washing her hair tonight". Really Suzie? Careful you don't drown yourself heh. And I absolutely hated the requests from people that you had clearly either never been friends with or had drifted apart from for fairly obvious reasons.

These felt like decent enough reasons to leave but I also felt there wasn't enough time to stay on top of the daily goings on (because I have a job...) and by not commenting on the little updates or responding to posts, I was failing these people as a friend. If I did respond to some and not others, would it be interpreted as I liked this "friend" more than that "friend". I accept I am prone to over analysis.

The solution presented itself following a chat with a mate who happily stated that he had committed "Facebook suicide" a few weeks ago. Suddenly everything seemed much easier. I haven't looked back. Well, until this week.

Some obvious candidates were on there; Abe - loves everything media and reports on it almost daily; Paul - tried for years to get me back on it just to organise nights out (I have a phone, call me). Others had told me they had joined it who I wouldn't have expected (Scott and Grant, for example) but I discovered that Allan is on it. Allan? Allan! The guy didn't get a mobile phone until a few years ago. Not only that, he is a fully paid up, full-time, hit the main line because I'm addicted user. Now I am not saying I have lost respect for him but I was still stunned. This discovery made me question, fleetingly, if I should join again. I figured there is no point. As long as my wife is a member I can get all the benefits without having the sleepless nights of wondering if that person will be offended by me for not accepting their friend request. Might also mean I can continue to get some work done during the day.

Off to Cairo tomorrow for a three day trip. The traffic in Cairo is comically bad. They actually chat to each other through their horns (beep beep beep, means "I'm coming in", generally replied with beep beep beep beep, meaning "like fuck you are"). It will be great to be back but I am absolutely delighted this posting is in Abu Dhabi rather than Cairo.

Relationships

2010-07-19T07:40:00.000-07:00

Things that have happened since the last post.

1. Spain won the World Cup. Deservedly. Watched it in a huge function tent connected to a hotel in AD. Amazing atmosphere and despite children being present a fight broke out. (Un)fortunately it didn't turn into a mass brawl with stools getting launched at innocent bystanders ("I wanna see some windmills...If you have keys, use em, make em count..."). It was a bit pathetic really. Bit of pushing and shoving between groups of Spanish and Dutch fans. Over before it had started. I have always kinda liked the idea of being in a pub brawl - proper Wild West style. This is probably because I have never really been in a fight and therefore don't know the pain of a forceful blow to the temple but also related to me occasionally starting fights (more like scuffles) at university, then sitting back and watching my mates take over (calm it down). I was a starter, not a finisher. A fluffer, if you like.

2. I discovered that I must have lost numerous wedding cards at my brothers wedding, obviously including a fair amount of cash (wedding presents) in the process. This despite not getting the remotest bit pissed the entire day. Where is the justice in that? Needless to say my brother was a bit miffed. Queue more generous wedding present (money) from yours truly than he had originally thought appropriate. Rounds off what was a fairly pish week in Spain. I would call it a holiday but is it still a holiday if it rains every day? Undoubtedly the most expensive wedding I have been to. Cracking venue mind you.

3. A mate got in touch and explained his relationship with his missus is on the rocks. They have been together quite a while and seemed completely happy with each other. Always joking and smiling and excellent company. It threw me by surprise. How close are any of us from being on the rocks or splitting up with our other halves? I would point out here that I believe me and the missus to be rock solid (though not to gloat) so when you hear news like this it makes you appreciate everything a bit more. I reckon they'll sort it out.

I have joked with another mate for a few years about how miserable you can get in job. It began when we spent an afternoon on Brighton beach getting pissed one bank holiday bemoaning the state of our careers (incidentally he was my boss at the time). We established that we would be crap at every other job we could think of (we thought of about 100) so we should probably just be thankful for what we have. I mention this because actually it isn't a job thats important in life. Nor is a home, really. Nor is money. It is the person you return to every night, the one you wake up to each morning, the one who excuses your moodiness and who makes you smile for no apparent reason. Or maybe this is just what I have and I am trying to transpose this on to everyone else even though it doesn't work that way for them. It sounds sentimental. It isn't meant to be. My advice to this bloke was sort it out because he'll be unhappier out of the relationship.

4. My wife tells me I have picked up a tan. I am convinced it is just dirt.

The tricky second post... can I be bothered writing this for two years???

2010-07-04T09:27:00.000-07:00

The family is together and settling into a new life. I would like to say we have adjusted well but it probably isn't true. I have adjusted well enough but it is taking the wee man a little longer. That said, he had three proper meals today and pooped four times - up from his average over the past four days of none. Comes in fits and bursts, quite literally. Despite the change for him, he continues to smile and giggle. A happy son, makes a happy wife, makes a happy man.

We travelled up to Dubai mall on Friday (our Saturday). The size of the place is incredible. It has an aquarium in the middle so as you do your shopping you can watch divers swim with the fish. Not something I had ever thought was missing from a shopping trip but if thats what works for you. We got the wee man a 3 in 1 walker designed like a car. Looks the nuts and wants to for the price we paid for it. Met up with some friends my wife had made prior to moving out here. They seemed alright and I am sure we'll keep in touch despite them living in Dubai. They have twins aged 18 months which is good as they are in the same boat as us. Ruan is the same size as the twins despite being a year younger. The boy is a monster.

Liverpool have appointed Roy Hodgson as boss and I am kinda happy about it. Definitely prefer him to Rafa Benitez (lost the dressing room, too many duff signings, just too many signings actually and a terrible man manager - Babel, Alonso, Riera, etc) Mark Hughes or Sven Goran Eriksson but would have taken Hiddink or Mourinho instead. Fat chance. Still think we might struggle to get into the top 4 next season. Celtic seem to be regressing nicely under the stewardship of the ginger one. Losing the last Old Firm game of the season might be the best thing to happen to Rangers next season. Hopefully I'll be able to find a channel showing the games over here. Unfortunately it isn't like the UK where Sky have everything. Different satellite providers have different sports and competitions. Ryder Cup and Ashes on one. Premiership on another. Ah well. What else am I going to spend my money on?

Work is going fairly well. Had meetings at the airport this morning with a local and an ex pat. Local chap seems to be well connected and could be a good man to know. Ex pat chap has a wise old head on him and could also be useful. The potential for the newspaper is decent and I should be kept fairly busy over the next couple of years. Might even be the opportunity to develop a team over here.

Bought a new book called The Corner. It is written by the guys who wrote The Wire - best series ever made? - so now I have an excuse for going to bed early. We still don't have any tv package but it really isn't so bad. Makes you realise how much crap you watch. That said I could do an hour of Beeny. I could do a few hours with Beeny but that is another story.

Arrival

2010-06-23T09:52:00.000-07:00

Finally some of our belongings have arrived in Abu Dhabi!!

So far we have a computer - hence the blog - kitchen utensils, a drill, some more clothes and a buggy, though no baby. Yet. The missus and son arrive on Friday (25 June) morning. Not a minute too soon.

I arrived in Abu Dhabi on Sunday 13 June to take up the new job. Been decent so far but have been missing the wife and wee man loads. Already managed to fit in a trip to Doha and Dubai. Doha is very business, Dubai is very Western. Not cowboys or gunslingers, more Brits abroad and touristy. Weather has been a bit hot. Above 45 degrees each day. The heat is fine but the humidity crept up yesterday and made it properly uncomfortable. Sweaty Jock within 3 seconds of being outside.

Apartment is grand if a bit detached from the main goings on in Abu Dhabi. Not sure how that will affect the family when they are out here but reckon it is preferable to having a 4 lane highway out the front of the building. Needless to say it needs a bit of a woman's touch. A bed, sofa and empty bookcase does not a home make. Even bought a Pot Noodle last week then realised I don't have a kettle. Nice leveller that. The rest of our belongings are due to arrive on Friday so I guess that is our first weekend together as a family out here taken care of.

England beat Slovenia tonight to make it through to the second round of the World Cup. Watched it in the bar connected to the hotel (they sell bottles of Coopers - Yes!!!!!). Full of ex-pats which made for some sort of atmosphere. Can't imagine what it must be like to support England. When was the last time they properly delivered? At least being a Scotsman we generally get what we expect. Generally defeat but sometimes with the added twist of it being glorious defeat.

Gutted that I missed Delboy's stag weekend in Munich. Well, gutted in one sense but it sounds like everyone is still struggling to recover so maybe it was a decent swerve? Funny how you get older and can only manage one night out per week/month. The second night of a stag is a non-event for me nowadays. There is something to be said for a one nighter in Blighty.